Sarah Levy
November 17, 2008
*Names have been changed to protect the innocent.
Though pretty much every other topic is addressed, there is one aspect of how life changes upon leaving for college that never comes up, even with all the pamphlets and weeks of organized introductory activities.
Masturbation.
“I definitely thought about it before coming,” said Stefan Mathews ‘12. He said he was worried about how he would be affected by the lack of privacy that dorm life would bring.
Mathews is not the only first year that worried about personal changes that would come with college life. For many it was an issue.
Rosa Montague ’12 said she thought about the change beforehand, but wasn’t worried about it.
“I wondered if I would have time, what if my roommate were to find out, that kind of thing,” said Montague.
Montague said her habits have changed since college, because they are more random and more rushed. However, she said she does not do it any less than at home. And she does not really plan it out.
“I’ve learned [my roommate’s] schedule,” she said. “It’s just like, ooh, she’s left. This will be fun.”
Not everyone has been able to so easily cope with the burdens of dorm life.
“Yeah [my masturbatory habits] have changed!” said Alister Korb ‘12. “How have they changed? I don’t.”
Korb said that he did not realize until he got here that things would be different than at home. He said he cannot masturbate in his room because his roommate is usually there, and he does not feel comfortable doing it in the bathroom.
“I feel like it’s gross to do in a public shower and I think how I would feel if I were in the shower next to mine,” he said. “That would suck.”
Korb is not the only male who held off from this practice because of college. Gabriel Sutherland ’12 said the first time he masturbated after coming to Macalester was almost two months after leaving home. But for him this was not that big of a deal, even though he described his habits since coming to college as “somewhat moderately different” than at home.
“There are a lot more things to keep me occupied here,” he said. Sutherland said he has not really been affected by the change and that on average he does it less than once a week.
“I guess I just keep it all bottled up,” he said.
Another issue that comes with dorm life is that of walking in on people having sex, or being walked in on.
Suzanne Li, a senior, said that sophomore year she and her roommate would draw a “5” on their white board as a sign of “Do not enter.”
“If there was a 5 and you really wanted to go in, you knocked once and waited and if no one answered you still wouldn’t go in,” she said.
As for Montague, she said she has worried about someone walking in on her. But she does not lock the door.
“If I’m in there alone with the door locked, I’m worried about what someone walking by will think,” she said. “Because I don’t want them assuming I’m doing that.”
While some students have found ways to cope, for others relative problems have arisen. One such issue is stress.
“Masturbation is a mood-booster and if you can’t do it as often [as you would like], it does make you a bit grumpier,” said Mathews. He said that since college, he has been masturbating much less frequently than before and only during certain planned out times, which he said at times affects his stress-level.
The lack of privacy can also affect students in ways beyond just the emotional.
“I keep getting urinary tract infections because I don’t go pee after sex because it’s too much effort to go down the hall [of Dupre],” said Cece Harkins, a sophomore. “And I don’t want to have to see my RA, or that girl I have class with, or that neighbor who just heard me having sex.”
But generally students learn to cope.
“The first week or two was pretty bad,” said Jon Royce ‘12. “Then I figured out [my roommate’s] schedule.”
Montague said she doesn’t worry about walking in on her roommate or visa versa.
“We knock. I figure if you give it like two seconds, anything that’s going on can stop.”
Li said she hasn’t been walked in on, or walked in on anyone in her time at Macalester.
“But I have done things while other people were in the room and I’m not sure if they woke up or not,” she said. Li shed some light on the issue as someone with more collegiate experience.
“As you get older it gets a lot less awkward,” she said. “Because everyone, by the time they’re a senior, has been in a room while other people are having sex. They call it ‘being caught in the wing.’”
Harkin offered advice to first years regarding what she has learned.
“You learn to be silent,” she said. “You learn to do it when it’s convenient for your roommate and not for you.” She added that she has been walked in on a couple times in awkward positions.
“To make sure you get to the end, you’ve got to make it fast sometimes even though you don’t want to,” she said.
With two more years’ experience under her belt, Li continued.
“It’s just kind of like, look, we’re in a cramped space. When I say ‘Go,’ go. People understand.”
She paused to think.
“People don’t get more mature, though.”
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1 comment:
Okay, um, both parts of my name are used here? That's somewhat odd...
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